


i would've kept the world like this

by orphan_account



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, caroline finally writes something thats canon call the police
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-09
Updated: 2015-06-09
Packaged: 2018-04-03 14:58:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,142
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4105087
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>didn't they have dreams? the little children that marched off to war, how they bled, how they wished for better.</p>
            </blockquote>





	i would've kept the world like this

**Author's Note:**

> im a fuckin mess

When James Potter is seven he wants to be a Quidditch player. No, he’s _going_ to be a Quidditch player. End of story. That’s it. He will be. There is nothing he wants- and will ever want- more than Quidditch. Now can he please have a chocolate wand because he cleaned his room real good mum okay I promise it’s not all under the bed (lie) 

 

When Sirius Black is seven he doesn’t care about growing up. Sirius Black doesn’t care about much of anything, as far as he’s concerned; the only good thing about growing up is that he will get to leave. And all he wants to do is leave, because his mum doesn’t look at him like he matters, and Sirius does not know quite how to take that.

 

When Remus Lupin is seven he cannot think about being a grown up without seeing the blood on his curtains from last night, and his mother’s look when he comes out of his room each morning after. Remus cannot think of a job where he will be able to protect people from him, so he stops thinking about it, it makes his chest ache.

 

When Peter Pettigrew is seven he doesn’t like thinking about growing up. It is too scary, and it doesn’t make sense. He does not think he is brave enough to be his Dad, or even his Mum. They are so big, and he is so very, very little.

 

When Lily Evans is seven she's going to be a superhero. She doesn’t care that Tuney says they aren’t real, she just hasn’t seen one. And Lily Evans, of all people, knows that sometimes things you cannot possibly imagine are so real they are right in front of her face. Impossible things happen all the time, and she can tell you that as a fact.

 

****

 

When James Potter is eleven he is going to be a Quidditch player to end all Quidditch players. And he will get on the house team. He will. He’s going to play Quidditch for England and learn how to beat Remus at chess. Those are James Potter’s only life goals at this point. Oh, and to understand girls, because Evans is bloody nuts and he utterly impossible, but don’t tell her he said that.

 

When Sirius Black is eleven he plans to become the headmaster of Hogwarts. He will make all learning illegal and all they will do is play Quidditch and eat. He would make every single kid play a prank on a teacher before they could go to dormitory. Yes, that’s it, he’s going to run the best damn school is the world and he’s going to create positions for all his mates to, James can be head of sports and Peter can be head of Charms, because he likes it so much. Remus can be Professor of Keeping Secrets, because there is something fishy going on with him and Sirius is going to  find out what it is. Also, when he’s headmaster he would let kids stay all year round, because sometimes when people even think about going home it makes their insides feel sort-of lopsided. Like someone has taken a Beaters Bat and smashed it round in their stomach. Some people. Just some.

 

When Remus Lupin is eleven he’s going to be best friends with James Potter, Sirius Black and Peter Pettigrew for the rest of time. They make him forget, and he likes forgetting, because then he can feel like a real person, instead of a fake one.

 

When Peter Pettigrew is eleven he’s going to be just like James. And Sirius. And Remus. He’s going to be just like all of them, when he grows up, because they are the greatest and funniest people of the planet. And they like him. And Peter would like to like himself, one day.

 

When Lily Evans is eleven she's going to be a professional potion maker. Potion’s is magic she can _make_ , she can chop it and mix it and crush it and _see_ it. Magic, though wonderful, is weird; she can do it and doesn’t know where it comes from. But with potions Lily can see the magic; she can hold it with her hands and create it. Lily Evans can create magic, and how could anyone _not_ want to do that?

 

***

 

When James Potter is thirteen he’s still going to play Quidditch. He’s always going to want to play Quidditch more than anything. So stop bloody asking. James Potter is just going to play Quidditch, eat caldron cakes and look at Lily Evans. What. He didn’t say that. He _did not_. Ignore that last part, or, at least, don’t tell Sirius. Please.

 

When Sirius Black is thirteen he’s going to make out with Mallory Fairbrother. That is his only life goal right now. And if you’ll excuse him, that’s her, over there so he really must go very sorry yes ok what he can't hear you he’s already too far away.

 

When Remus Lupin is thirteen he might be a teacher. Maybe. He talked to Dumbledore about it and he thinks he might be able to. Maybe he could be a teacher. He hopes so; it makes him so happy to think that he might just be able to. Teach, he means, teaching is so cool. Remus Lupin rather thinks he’d like to teach when he’s older.

 

When Peter Pettigrew is thirteen he doesn’t bloody know. It’s too hard, this future crap. He’ll think about it tomorrow, because dinner is in five minutes and he really has to go, sorry, but- you know- dinner.

 

When Lily Evans is thirteen she’s thinking about becoming an artist. I mean, yeah, she can't draw for shit and her paintings are worse, but, she wouldn’t have to do any bloody transfiguration, which would be nice. And, okay, she hates drawing and her hand always cramps if she's even writing for more than ten minutes but, and this is the key point: no Transfiguration. Because as much as she likes Professor McGonagall, if she looks at another diagram on how to turn a tea cup into a tortoise she going to KILL SOMEONE MARLENE I DON’T _FUCKING_ UNDERSTAND THIS SHIT IM MOVING TO AUSTRALIA THEY DON’T HAVE TO DO THIS CRAP. 

 

***

 

When James Potter is fifteen he’s going to be a Quidditch player. He HAS NOT CHANGED HIS MIND SINCE THE LAST TIME YOU BLOODY ASKED. Also, have you seen Sirius, he stole the map and now he can't bloody find him because he, James Potter, does not have the map as Sirius bloody Black does. And you know Evans- Lily, that is- does anyone else get a weird feeling in their stomach when she walks past? Like it sort-of, drops into their foot? No? Okay, forget it. Don’t tell anyone he said that by the way.

 

When Sirius Black is fifteen he is going to make muggle motorcycles. Yeah, that’s it, he’s going to make motorcycles and then ride them all the way around the world. Maybe to the sun, anywhere. As far as he can get. He’s going to far fucking away from his fucking mother and her angry words and slaps and his father’s jeers and his brother smug look. Sirius fucking Black is going to give them the finger as he rides into the bloody sunset, so take that and shove it up your arse dear, darling _Mummy_.  

 

When Remus Lupin is fifteen he is going to be a teacher. He thinks he deserves to be a teacher. James thinks he does, and so do Sirius and Peter. Then again, Sirius also said if anybody had a problem with Moony being a teacher he would unstick their head from their necks, so there’s that.

 

When Peter Pettigrew is fifteen he’s going to do something brave. He doesn’t know what yet, but he’s just going to try and do something brave, because he’s just so sick of being weak. That’s it; he’s going to be so brave that James and Sirius will be in awe of _him_. He’s going to do something shock them all.

 

When Lily Evans is fifteen she's just going to marry for money. Fuck school. Fuck jobs. Fuck exams. She’ll just marry a rich bloke whose good looking. Like, tall with nice eyes, like Potter’s eyes. Wait. What the fuck. That did not happen. She did not say that. Nope. She's just going to quit school, not do bloody exams and marry someone who _does not_ look like James Potter. Does. Not. 

 

***

 

When James Potter is seventeen he’s going to marry Lily Evans. He wants Lily Evans more than Quidditch. He’s decided, if it was a choice between Lily Evans, and her voice and hair and smile and laugh and her everything or Quidditch. He’d pick Lily Evans. He wants to hear Lily Evans talk and laugh and smile and just exist, more than he wants Quidditch. And that is a fact.

 

When Sirius Black is seventeen he’s going to fight. He’s going to fight his parents and their beliefs and that guy in the paper whose been killing all those people. He’s going to kill people, going to kill people and rip their necks with his bare hands. Anybody who thinks his friends don’t deserve to live just because their blood isn’t his does not deserve to be on the same planet as them. Because they are great and wonderful and _his._ Prongs, Wormtail, Moony, Evans- all of them. Fuck anyone who says otherwise.

 

When Remus Lupin is seventeen he’s going to be a teacher. He’s decided. He’s going to finish school, kill this bloody bastard who thinks he can ruin everything and be a teacher. Because they are going to kill him, they have to so they will. That’s just how it works.

 

When Peter Pettigrew is seventeen he wishes to braver. Because he does not know if he can do this, and is has a horrible feeling he is going to do something very, very bad.

 

When Lily Evans is seventeen she wants to kiss James Potter and make potions. She _really_ wants to kiss James Potter though. A lot. For always. Lily Evans wants to kiss James Potter forever; Lily Evans just wants to be around James Potter forever. So that’s it, she going to kiss James Potter and make potions. She thinks she could be happy doing that for the rest of her life.

 

***

 

 When James Potter is twenty-one, standing in front of the wand he knows will kill him, he wants to save Lily, and save Harry. He knows he can't, but oh, how he wants to. He wants this to be enough, his death, but it won’t be, so he just closes his eyes instead.

 

.

 

When Sirius Black is standing in the ministry, far older than he’d ever thought he’d be, he is happy. Happy because Remus is here, and they are winning, and because Harry is just behind him. Because Prongs and Lily’s Harry is so much better than he’d ever imagined he would be, and he is so proud of his best mates for this kid. And what they did. Because right now Sirius Black is alive and here and winning and everything will be fine. Everything will be-

 

. 

 

When Remus Lupin is turning a corner in the ruined the corridor he is worried. Worried for his wife, his baby and Harry. Brave Harry and all his friends who have come to fight with him. And although he is worried, for his family and for his friends, Remus Lupin needs to be here. Because Remus Lupin is a teacher and teachers do not desert their students.

 

 So when the spell hits him from behind he hardly feels it, and he is dead before he hits the ground.

 

.

 

When Peter Pettigrew is in that cellar he knows that his seventeen year old self was right about him. So when the hand closes around his neck, he tries not to fight it, but instead tries to be the one thing he has always wanted.

 

 

.

 

When Lily Potter is twenty-one and pleading for her baby’s life she just screams. She screams for of her James lying on the floor, still and for Sirius, who will be blamed for this. She screams for what she knows is to happen and for what is going to happen after it. She screams because her baby will never know her, never know James or their house. She screams because Lily Potter is too young for all of this, and there are still so many things she wants that she will never have.

 

But most of all Lily Potter screams for her son, who will have to do all of this alone.

 

***

 

(When they were young they wished to become heroes. So heroes they became.)


End file.
